I went out last Friday night. Even though I spend much of my time as a woman (and therefore I’d “go out” all the time) I rarely interact with other people in the transgender community, so it was nice to finally go out to the twice-monthly “Girls’ Night Out” at the Bouncing Bomb pub in Oakville, just east of Toronto. Sianna Foryu (a transwoman that I became acquainted with on Facebook, and someone that I consider a friend even though we haven’t met in person until Friday) had been inviting me to go for over a year, but I never managed to find time for one reason or another. Having no excuses this time, I decided to go.

Make-up artist Jamie Bratslavsky fixing my make-up.
Make-up artist Jamie Bratslavsky fixing my make-up at the Bouncing Bomb on Friday night.

There were about 25 other transwomen there that night; some were crossdressers, but few were well on their way in their transition. There were also a few male admirers, and at least one transman as well. I spent a lot of time chatting with them, ranting about fashion, cosmetics, jewelry, life as women, and well, finding love, that sort of thing. We drank a lot (beer and wine for them, ginger ale for me) and joked, and flirted a little bit too. A Toronto-based makeup artist named Jamie (a gorgeous cisgender woman) was also there doing demonstrations. She even helped me clean up my lazier-than-usual make up job.

Overall, I had a great time.

As a couple of girls and I compared the jewelry on our hands (actually I didn’t wear any jewelry that night, and that was the point), something struck my mind. I have long forgotten how lucky that I am “built” the way I am. My hands are fairly delicate, and my facial and body features are quite neutral for both male and female. I’ll never be mistaken as a hot chick, but I can still pass as an average woman. And although I wear size 12 dresses, most people think that I’m smaller than I really am.

And there lies some of the challenges of being transgender. Our society expects women to look and behave in a narrowly defined “feminine” way. For transwomen, unless you blend in as at least a moderately attractive woman, you’ll still be ridiculed with terms like “men in dresses”, “sissies”, “drag queens”, “shemales”, “he-she”, “not real women”…or worse. (Sadly some of these insults are hurled at us from other groups in the LGBT community.) One time I was in the supermarket, a man who (probably) suspected that I was transgender followed (stalked?) me for 10 minutes, looking up and down every inch of my body from head to toe. Luckily I think he was “satisfied” that I was just a woman, and eventually left me alone. I can only imagine the fuss he would have raised if I had bigger hands, or more muscular arms, or broader shoulders…visual cues that I saw in other transgender women that night at the Girls Night Out. Indeed even some cisgender women are not particularly feminine; I can’t even begin to emphasize the jokes and ridicules they faced all their lives.

So for now, I consider myself very lucky…

10 Replies to “Lucky”

  1. Hi. I have read about this bar called the Bouncing Bomb in Oakville but I can’t seem to find their website online. Which nights are the t-girl/crossdresser nights? You say they are twice a month? Is this just a regular pub that is dedicating a couple nights a month to this specific clientele? I am a crossdresser and I would like to attend but I can’t find any info. Can you help?

    1. Chantel, I don’t think the pub has its own website, but you can find it on Facebook: They might advertise the “Girls Night Out” there, but I’m not sure—I was invited by the organizer herself directly. The owner of the pub is transgender herself. I think they have bondage nights, and other events, but those aren’t my cup of tea.

      1. Katie….I’m a 45 yr old crossdresser from London,ON. I was told about the Gurl’s Night Out at the Bouncing Bomb by another crossdresser from the Niagara area. I came up for the March 13th edition. It was a small gathering that night possibly because it was the start of March break. I’m planning on coming up this Saturday May 2nd. Im hearing its their 2nd anniversary…I’m planning on taking a room and staying the night…..hope to see you there….xxx Kylie

        1. Hey Kylie, I was very late realizing that you have made a comment; I didn’t go to the Girl’s Night Out that night afternoon. I do travel to London every now and then, and if the timing works out, let’s meet up for a coffee.

          1. Katie….this is Kylie. I’m trying to relocate to the GTA. Do you know of anyone that would like a roommate. I haven’t dressed since mid December 2015…..ended up moving back in with my ex-wife..she doesn’t know I dress…
            But I’d like to meet you either in London or the

          2. Kylie, I’m sure that there are people who will have you as a roommate. When you move to Toronto, let me know!

    2. Sorry to tell you…. the Bouncing Bomb closed at the end of 2015. I enjoyed my time there….
      I’m currently in London and looking to find shared accommodations in the GTA. Haven’t dressed since mid December….My gurl belongings are in storage…
      Xxx Kylie

      1. Hey Kylie, I knew about the Bomb closing. I was there just after Christmas. A lot of girls were quite disappointed by its closing; it was a very comfortable environment for a lot of transwomen. “Girl’s Night Out” is still going on though, just at a different location.

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