Won’t Put Out

After I started going out dressed in 2004, I was looking forward my first Halloween. I wanted to make it a memorable occasion. That night, I decided to wear my green formal dress which, until then, had not been worn in public. I had bought that obscenely expensive dress a few years earlier, but never had the chance to wear it. (I found it in a liquidation store by coincidence, and paid only less than 10% its labelled price of $245 CAD).

I was among many t-girls getting ready for the evening at Toronto’s Take a Walk on the Wildside, a famous club/store/hotel for t-girls, and a safe and fun place to hang out. As I put on my make up etc, the obvious question that everyone asked everyone else was, “who are you supposed to be?” Having giving that question not the slightest bit of thought, I scrambled to come up with an answer: “I am the girl that I wanted to take to the prom.” I went about having fun that evening, proud of my witty response, and my stunning appearance.

After dinner in the Gay Village on Church Street, a bunch of girls went to a local club dancing. A note to everyone about dancing: it’s much easier to dance when you have titties and wearing a fancy dress. Whereas my male alter-ego was shy and awkward on the dance floor, Tara (or TJ as my friends call me) was right at home. Throughout the evening I found myself being hugged, flirted with, kissed, caressed, fondled and groped by both guys and gals. I felt wonderful: it is quite nice to feel sexually desired by someone else. Then two guys approached me, and explained to me, in detail, how I should have go home with them to have wild unprotected sex. Hmm. I didn’t mind the attention, but that was just too creepy. Then it struck me. As sexy and pretty as I was, there was a clear difference between me and “the girl I wanted to take to the prom.” She would have put out. I wouldn’t.

Recently I wore the same dress again to dinner with a friend I met through URNA, and the first time I wore the dress after that Halloween. As I walked back to my car a few blocks away from the Gay Village, some (gorgeous) guys and girls started flirting with me again. The flirting was as enjoyable as ever. One guy came up and told me how he wanted to take me home and give me the…well, it was the same thing I heard at Halloween. I smiled and shook my head. I guess one thing still hasn’t changed: I still won’t put out.

This post is also available in: Chinese (Traditional)

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